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I have been friends for over two decades, who has overcome several obstacles, which I admire. However, she has been constantly caught off guard by others. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. A lot of her friends disappeared then, since they had been only interested in the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, likely realised more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, although she was an excellent employee, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we've both left the workforce leading to more time together, but I am finding my role in the relationship feels one-sided. I start subjects but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been planning a vacation to a nation I've visited many times even called home for some time. My intention was to offer personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought validation of her plans. I've just returned from four weeks in that place she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she will ever understand the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is seldom the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of working things out demands strength and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially requires explaining the usual pattern in your conversations. It should be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. There should be no dispute here. What you feel are your feelings, of course. The third step is to question ways you together going to change the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. One effective method is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for half an hour."

It's wildly effective in fostering better communication.

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they're unable to release as it feels essential is tied to it being the only thing they've known. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might initially present like this before reflecting your perspective. And should you never reach a resolution, it will give you satisfaction that you've been honest with her.